10 Cat Self-Discipline One-Liners - Cute & Funny

• Cat Self-Disipline: Ignore the ignorant ......

• Cat Self-Disipline: Grab at passing opportunities ......

• Cat Self-Disipline: Make friends with your neighbors ......

• Cat Self-Disipline: Let it all hang out ......

• Cat Self-Disipline: Control yourself ......

• Cat Self-Disipline: Be comfortable ......

• Cat Self-Disipline: View things from more than one perspective ......

• Cat Self-Disipline: Return to your favorite places ......

• Cat Self-Disipline: Whatever happens, look as if it were intended .....

• Cat Self-Disipline: Fake what you don't know ......

20 Cat Philosophy One-Liners - Cute & Funny

• Cat Philosophy - Begin each day with a long hard stretch.

• Cat Philosophy: I am, therefore give me tuna.

• Cat Philosophy - Never purr half-heartedly.

• Cat Philosophy - Miaow and the world Miaows with you, hiss and you hiss alone.

• Cat Philosophy - Never be discouraged by the words No, Stop That. or Bad Cat.

• Cat Philosophy - To Be or NOT to .... ehhh, phhhffft - you already KNOW I am.

• Cat Philosophy - If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do.

• Cat Philosophy - Make friends with the milkman.

• Cat Philosophy - Don't worry about little things.

• Cat Philosophy - Play and sleep in cardboard boxes.

• Cat Philosophy - Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner.

• Cat Philosophy - When in trouble, just purr and look cute.

• Cat Philosophy - Always find a good patch of sun to nap in.

• Cat Philosophy: It doesn't hurt to ask for what you want.

• Cat Philosophy - Don't worry about big things.

• Cat Philosophy - Become someone's friend for life.

• Cat Philosophy - When in doubt, cop an attitude.

• Cat Philosophy - Let sleeping dogs lie - literally.

• Cat Philosophy - Long naps never go out of fashion.

• The Cat Philosophy of Life: If you can't Eat it or Shred it, then Sleep on it.

10 Yo Mama Jokes

• Yo Momma so black when she goes swimming people thinks she’s an oil spill.

• Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

• Yo mama house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.

• Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!

• Yo mamas so dumb she brought a spoon to the Super-Bowl.

• Yo mama's so stupid she can't pass a blood test.

• Yo mamas so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.

• Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

• Yo mama is sooo fat, she sat on a dollar and made 4 quarters pop out.

• Yo mamas so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks.

10 Blondes Jokes Q&A

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why did the blonde keep an empty carton of milk in the fridge?

A: In case she wanted black coffee.

Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?

A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?

A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?

A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

Q: What is a brunette between two blondes?

A: An interpreter.

Q: Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M & M factory?

A: She kept throwing out all the W's.

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?

A: They are easier to keep amused.

Q: How did the blonde kill her toy poodle?

A: Trying to put batteries in it.

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?

A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Priest Noticed Someone Stealing Money

One day the priest of a church noticed that the money was disappearing, so he hid in the altar, made a hole, and waited there to see who is stealing from the church.

So he waited for a couple of hours, and suddenly some druggie comes along, looks around, there's no one around, and he steals some money. As soon as he starts heading towards the exit, the priest says: "You should be ashamed of yourself, what are you doing sinner?"

The druggie responds: "Who is that?"

The priest says: "This is God!"

The druggie says: "Go fuck yourself man you scared me to death, I thought you were the priest!"

Happy New Year Everyone! 2015 is at our doors!

Disappointed Coca-Cola Salesman Joke - Commercial Fail!

A disappointed salesman of Coca-Cola returned from his assignment to Saudi Arabia.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Saudis?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted, I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch. But I had a problem. I didn't know how to speak Arabic. So I planned to convey the message through three posters."

First poster : A man lying in the hot desert sand totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster : The man is drinking Coca-Cola.
Third poster : Our man is now totally refreshed.

And then these posters were pasted all over the place.

"Terrific! That should have worked!" said the friend.

"The hell it should have!" said the salesman.

"No one told me they read from right to left!" 

An Irish Man Walks Into a Bar Joke

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders 3 pints of Guinness. He then proceeds to take a sip from the first, then a sip from the second, then a sip from the third, and starts again with a sip from the first, then second and on.

The bartender asks what he was up to, and he replied "I have 2 brothers, one lives in New York and one in Sydney, and since I can't drink with them, I order 3 pints of Guinness and take a sip in turn from each one; and they also do the same in New York and Sydney"

GUINNESS PINTS!!!

So each day the Irishman would come into the bar, order his 3 pints of Guinness and everyone got to know his story.

One day, he walks in and orders only 2 pints of Guinness...

The bar goes silent. Finally, the bartender approaches him and says "On behalf of everyone at the bar, I want to extend our condolences on the passing of your brother..."

The Irishman replied, "Oh, no, it's not that!! It's just that I've given up drinking!"